On Birds in the Black
by Synesti
Summary: Tensions get high if you're out in the black too long, and it might take a little interference to get people talking once more. With the crew not talking to each other for a variety of reasons, River takes it upon herself to get everyone talking once more. Includes all characters.
1. Visitations

I've been around on FanFiction before, but I'm a first time Firefly writer. Please be gentle in your reviews, but please do review with any feedback!

I do not own any identifiable characters or Firefly-related topics.

* * *

"Crazy on the loose?" Jayne asked suspiciously as he walked up to the bridge. He'd turned around (just for one second, mind you) to clean his guns and turned back to find that River had danced in and made herself at home in the corner of his room. He had no idea what the ruttin' Moonbrain meant by sitting herself there as though waiting for something, as though she was listening for something far off, but he had chased her out without a single word exchanged between them.

He shivered some thinking about those eyes. Girl had a pair of them on her, like holes all the way out in the black of space. Not his type, not at all. His type spoke little and without the crazy, and was a little less likely to bear down on him with a knife like he was a stubborn can of peaches.

"Haven't heard from her in an hour or two," said Zoë distractedly, referring her own sighting. River had stood in the doorway of their bunk, peering at them with big eyes like she wanted something from them.

Zoë was leaning her hip against Wash's chair, watching him mumble to himself about his dinosaurs. There had been a tenseness amongst the crew for a spell now, and this marked the first time Jayne had found himself up in the bridge in almost a week. First time he'd actually exchanged words with Zoë in two, but they weren't the most conversational of pairs. "Why, she having a hard day?"

"Nah, doc's just looking for her," he mumbled in excuse.

"What am I doing?" the very doctor came up behind him, looking open-faced and expectant at his mention. He hadn't been out from the infirmary in a while, and he had the tight look across his eyes that said he needed the conversation no one would give him.

Jayne excused himself without a word.

* * *

Mal was the next to get himself a visit from River. She planted herself like a tree on top of the chair next to him at the table and stared down at him, her swishy dress swaying around her like some sort of wind-stricken cluster of petals.

Like the rest of the crew, Mal had been keeping to himself. It had started with an outbreak of fights, but then dinner attendance had been dropping off. Just the night before it had been him and Kaylee, and yet another one of the little tiffs had broken out and she'd left to lick her wounds. Mal allowed himself to bask for a moment in the presence of another human being, one of the few who he hadn't seemed to have alienated himself from and hadn't seemed to have alienated herself from anyone on board.

"Can I do something for you, River?" he asked, glancing up from his cup.

She cocked her head sideways, and extending a hand, holding her index just inches from his forehead. "Baby birds learn songs from other birds and make it their own in the sky. Innate template, personal touch. They have to share."

He looked up at her, and contemplated calling for the doc. She seemed stable, but overly focused. You never could tell when she was going to go off, and while he hadn't seen much of her in the last while, neither had anyone else and her brooding never did the rest of them any favors.

"He isn't listening, doesn't understand," she whispered, almost to herself. Then, back to him, her hands wrapped around herself. "All the voices are so greedy. Not singing with each other. The warrior and the dinosaur whisper, whisper in their bunks, and the sunbeam listens to the little night-light but where has the singing gone? They crowded around the birdfeeders but they all took their turn, and music in the black and the girl hadn't heard music since they took it out of her feet with the dancing. Where has it gone? Where?"

She stamped her foot, causing the chair to rock alarming, and Mal reached her hands out to catch her, but she leapt of the chair before his hands reached her and landed gracefully.

Her eyes burnt hot into his. "Bring. Back. The. Music."

* * *

Her final visit was to Kaylee.

Kaylee found her perched in the hammock, and instead of shooing her out sat down beside her, nestling up against her comfortably. They'd sat like this several times, listening to Serenity together, and Kaylee had learned to take comfort from it. Following her fight with the Captain, she could use some company. Everyone was so mad these days, they'd been out in the Black too long. She missed the shiny days before.

"Is she singing?" River asked, sounding wavering and desperate.

Kaylee turned to her, worried. "Serenity? 'Course she's singin'. You can hear her, can't you?"

River nodded, but there were tremors in her shoulders.

"River, honey, what's the matter?" Kaylee wrapped her arm around the girl's thin shoulders.

"It's so quiet in her head…bring back the singing…"

Kaylee didn't get any more out of her than that, and they sat in quiet for a while before River stood up, freeing herself and staring right into Kaylee's eyes.

"And you even had such a pretty song. Serenity likes it, but she can share." Her face changed, morphed into a dazed, cross-eyed sort of happiness. "Come, let's hide in the silence!"

"River, I don't right know what you're…"

But she was gone, and Serenity seemed to hum almost in alarm.


	2. Disappearance

Thanks for giving me a second shot !

* * *

Chapter Two

Both Mal and Kaylee found themselves burnt up inside by the look River had given them as she turned away. Kaylee had seen her fair few chidings, but she'd never quite felt so low as when she'd been fixed by that look. It was though she had betrayed River, really personally betrayed her, and she couldn't stomach it. There were enough tensions on board.

Mal, on the other hand, seldom got himself a good scolding, but was pretty sure he had found it (from a slip of a girl dressed as an innocuous flower no less) and it was downright confoundin'. And the Captain was not a man who enjoyed being confounded.

So when lil' Kaylee caught him in between his bunk and the kitchen look with cheeks so red he at first blamed the doctor, he was more than willing to agree to her proposition. Dinner with everyone together. That'd least give them a casual setting. If he'd angered the little one, at least he could get everyone on his side for backup.

"Dinner time!" he yelled up into the bridge. "Everyone down. I'm starvin', so don't make me wait!" Kaylee went to Inara's shuttle to ask more politely.

Soon, the eight of them found themselves around the table. All present and accounted for, except the instigator.

Mal turned to Simon, trying to keep his voice even. "Where's your sister?"

"You turned Moonbrain loose?" Jayne turned, his voice accusatory.

"Settle," Mal said sharply. Despite the tensions, Jayne settled beautifully, and Mal sighed. If nothing else, he could still give orders.

"River is seventeen years old. I don't keep her locked in a room, especially when she's having a reasonably steady day," Simon said, a bit sharply. Wash gave him a look, and he tempered his voice. "However, I don't know where she is."

"Saw her earlier," Zoë piped up. Wash nodded in agreement.

"Same," Jayne conceded, and then Kaylee gave a bit of a nod.

"Great," Wash said, his voice unchanged. Humorous as ever. "So we know she's still onboard. Or at least was an hour or two ago."

"Try not to talk that way, dear," his wife replied, squeezing his hand.

They all finished dinner in a somewhat awkward silence, with Simon excusing himself early to go look for their wayward member.

* * *

"There shouldn't be jellyfish onboard," River whispered to herself. "In space, they wouldn't bob. Bob. Bob." She bobbed her head in time, imitating a jellyfish. Then, she fell silent, listening to the footsteps moving below her airshaft hiding spot.

"Simon," she mouthed to the jellyfish bobbing alongside her head, smiling briefly as it nodded back. She could feel him. He radiated blue, crusting over silver, he was anxious and her stomach hurt inside like beestings for a second.

"They'll see," she whispered.

Bob, bob, bob said the jellyfish right back.

* * *

Mal caught Simon after dinner, pacing up and down the galley with one hand meshed in his steadily-scraggling hair.

"Haven't found her, huh?"

He wheeled around, having failed to notice Mal's advances, his hand still in his hair. "No, I haven't. I haven't a clue where she could be. She was having a good day, and I figured…"  
Mal tried to contort his voice into some semblance of gentleness. It had been a while, but he found the voice usually reserved for Kaylee, who he still had to apologize to. "Don't tear yourself up too much. Days are just hours glued together, more for her than any of us."

Simon tried to smile, but he looked weary.

"Look, why don' you try to get some sleep. She likely went to have a chat with Serenity and just found a quiet place to catch a nap." Simon looked ready to protest. "She's gone for a stroll, and she'll do it again. No one knows the ship like that mei-mei of yours, and she'll likely be coming out by morning."  
~~~~~~~~~

Captain Daddy was here.

He'd been so angry these days, she told the jellyfish. They'd all been so mad.

But there he was, taking off his own layers of brown and laying them over the blue, the way Simon had given her blankets when she was scared.

The jellyfish was bobbing away, following its friends.

"Illogical percepts. No jellyfish in space," she whispered to herself, but found herself trailing silently after it.

Beneath her, quiet singing.

* * *

The next day, when no River revealed herself asking for some pencils or breakfast, Simon found himself doing something he hadn't done in a long time.

Standing outside the Washburn bunk, he knocked his knuckles into it a couple times. He was rewarded about six-seconds later by Zoë looking out at him. "Doctor? Is everything alright?"

"I can't find River," he said, his sleep-deprived countenance begging her for something, much like his sister the day before. "I haven't a clue where she went. I just wanted to know if you'd keep an eye out."

One thing he liked about Zoë, though he'd never be confident enough to tell her, was the fact that she took him seriously. "Of course."

"I've had my eye out," Wash added in from the behind. "Noticed she wasn't at dinner. Haven't seen anything yet though." He raised his voice, grinning. "Hey River! No hurry, mei-mei, but when you come out you can be the T-Rex!"

* * *

She giggled.

The dinosaur was soft orange now, lighting up the blue. The jellyfish had left during the night, but now her arms were turning orange, and there was green-tan-beige on her side.

She laid down on her back, feeling Serenity beneath her. "Home, home, home, home," she whispered to herself, feeling the edges of her eyes. She was tired, Simon was restless, and she curled up and was still as her skin blossomed into colors-not-bruises just beneath the dark.


	3. Acknowledgment

Reviews will be appreciated. Yet to receive one, but would be delighted if I did.

Update: Came back through and did some structural updates.

Chapter Three

Simon was climbing the walls with worry. It was now about halfway through the day-cycle, meaning they were rapidly approaching twenty-four hours since anyone had seen or heard from River.

"Mei-mei" he found himself yelling into random corners of Serenity. "Mei-mei, please come out." He waited for a giggle, quiet footsteps, anything. Earlier he had walked in on Shepard saying a brief prayer and nearly lost his mind.

"So you think something bad happened to her," he said desperately, his eyes wild.

Shepard looked at him with a small, sympathetic smile. "The prayer isn't for her, son. It's for you."

"For me?"

"So that you don't go out of your mind with worry. God knows that child will come down when she sees fit."

* * *

Kaylee had paced along side him for a nearly an hour before having to tend to the engine room. "It's okay to hide, sweetie, just let one of us know you're okay, yeah?" she called into the air hatch.

They hadn't spent much time together as of late, and despite the unfortunate circumstances, Kaylee found herself glad that they were walking together once more.

"Look, Simon…about last week…it weren't fair for me to be givin' you a hard time. I know you have River to think of, and askin' you to walk away from that short-notice wasn't right."

"Kaylee…" he sighed. She expected him to tell her that it weren't the time for talking, that he had to find River, and resigned herself to his mild (but somehow still destructive) rebuke. "And I'm sorry for being so stubborn. You're right, if it's a safe border planet than there's no harm going topside for a simple walk. I do have River, but I can always ask Shepard or Inara to watch her for an hour. She's not a constant task, and she's getting better."

Kaylee had smiled at that, a thousand times cheered.

Then the conversation had taken a somber turn.

"I wish you could have known her before what they did," Simon said seriously. "You would have loved her."

Kaylee smiled gently. "Simon, I love her now. We all do. 'cept maybe not Jayne. But he's workin' on it, don't tell 'im I said that though or he'll undo all the work."

Simon smiled back, tiredly, and fished something small out of one of his pockets and handed it to Kaylee. It was a hologram photo chip of a young girl, smiling mischievously while sitting cross-legged on the floor with a book. "She's fourteen in that."

Kaylee looked long and hard at the girl she never got a chance to meet. She could see now the weight River had lost from her body and now had resting on her frail shoulders. The photo-River was carefree, excited and in control.

Kaylee handed the photo back. "She was a pretty. Still is."

"Thank you," Simon said, and when Kaylee took his hand, he didn't pull away.

* * *

Jayne walked up as Wash was filling a glass of water in the kitchen nook and carrying it out of the room. "What're you doin'?"

Wash turned to look at him, a little confused by the curiosity in a man that had been sticking entirely to his bunk. "Leaving out a glass of water for River. Figure she could get thirsty wherever she is." He reached up and placed it within the airway shaft that River had been known to climb into.

"Think she'll find it?"

"She will. I imagine she's walking every inch of this boat, so she'll see it. Question of when, though." Wash paused thoughtfully, and then walked away.

Jayne remained staring at the glass of water just visible from his height, and whispered to himself. "Gorramit girl, come drink." Then, turning his head over his shoulder, he shouted. "You have some good thinkin' for just a gorram pilot!"

Wash paused on the stairs. "I appreciate it Jayne. And you're not bat-blind yourself if you can notice."

* * *

River was turning so many colors.

The sunbeam had come out from behind the cloud now, lit up the blue sky and now there were jellyfish back. They were bobbing and rocking and she was happy until the beestings came eating at her stomach and her skin turned hot and prickly.

The dinosaur was orange and the ape-man was orange-red and splotty, she could see through the metal to the floor and Serenity sang it to her, so much orange so much orange.

Simon would say she had a migraine coming on.

Simon would say come here mei-mei.

Simon would say come get your water and he'd give her food and water and the painkillers and she'd sleep because there were teeth in her skull.

In her skull!

The singing was getting louder but there were teeth in her skull and it was biting her brain.

NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN.

* * *

Mal was not having a great day. His entire crew was padding around with their necks craned up and no one had come to dinner.

"River, girl, where you at?" he called into the galley. He crouched down and looked under the furniture, not putting it past the small girl to be crouching there laughing them.

"She isn't there," came a soft voice behind him.

"What," he said without turning to look at her. The fights between them was where the fighting onboard had started, with Wash and Jayne going soon after once all sorts of stability was gone, and he still got a prickly feeling when she was around. "Some special Companion training letting you find missing girls? Get a lot of runaways in your profession?"

"Mal." Her voice was hard and firm. "Let it go. I'm sorry for what I said, and while you'll never apologize, I'm going to assume you're sorry for your own crudeness. But we have bigger things to worry about. I assume you're just as worried about the little one as I am, and we have to find her."

Mal looked at her with seriousness. "I'm looking for her, as you can see."

"We're all looking for her, Mal," she sighed. "Maybe if we tried working together, we'd have a shot at finding her."

"Meeting in ten!" Mal shouted, hearing his voice reverberate around the ship. "Meet in the kitchen! Mandatory, that means you Jayne!"

Inara looked at him approvingly. "Apology accepted, Mal."

"I didn't say nothin'."

But Inara just smiled and floated towards the kitchen.


	4. Compromises

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Chapter Four

For the second time in less than a twenty-four hour cycle, all eight of Serenity's accounted for members found themselves sitting around the table. Everyone looked to Mal to begin the discussion.

"Now," he said slowly. "It's no secrets to anyone that the mood on this boat hasn't been good these last few weeks." He paused, and watched everyone around the table nod. "Now, I don't want to blame this on anyone. I think we've all done our fair share of disagreements, and I'd like to apologize to anyone who's feelings I've hurt in the last while." He fixed Kaylee with his eyes, moved them to Inara, and then gave Wash a glance to apologize for criticize his flying several days prior. His eyes found the Shepard, he knew that man hadn't taken the recent criticisms of his beliefs to heart, but he found himself apologizing anyway.

"I know we've been vesselside for longer than we normally go, and I know that's been tough on us all. That I can partially take credit for, I need to get us all a break on the ground soon. However, that's no excuse for some of what's been happening on this boat, and we all need to get things fixed up. That's an order."

Simon turned to Mal, breaking an awkward staring contest he was having with Jayne (perhaps if he won, he wouldn't be to apologize first). "River…"

"I'm gettin' there, doc. Now, we all know that River's been unaccounted for an entire day and night cycle. The way I see it, she was probably upset by all of our fightin' on board. I'm hopin' that seeing us get our quarrels worked out will make her willin' to come out from her hiding place, but I also ask all of you to do your part to find her. Doc says she had been getting some mighty strong headaches…"

"Migraines," Simon cut in. "They're called migraines. They come from the damage done to her brain."

"Migraines," Mal acknowledged, "and she hasn't been takin' her medication on account that no one knows where she is. So we need to find her before she starts gettin' sick."

"Perhaps she already has," Zoë said calmly, and an outside glance would let you think that she wasn't concerned about the implications of that statement at all. However, a slight softness in her eyes betrayed her concern. "I've known folks to have migraines before, though not from Alliance meddling, and periods without eating might be making her worse, sir," she said to Mal.

Mal nodded to everyone. "You heard her. Everyone back to their places." As everyone stood, he gave them all a look. "Get yourself sorted. There's no room for bad moods on this boat anymore."

Jayne nodded, and glanced awkwardly at Simon. He wasn't about to tackle that problem now.

* * *

There were teeth in her brain.

Shapes exploded in front of her eyes, and the jellyfish was wrapped around her brain, squeezing and burning.

They were cutting her again!

Bright splotty pinks and yellows were on her hands, and she'd be happy that the sunbeam was back if it didn't hurt so bad. Rich reds and purples on her back. It hurt. It was good, but it hurt.

Take it out take it out.

Jellyfish in space. Can't be quantified. Not logical.

She was going to die. Serenity was going to sing her death.

* * *

Zoë walked into the kitchen, grabbing a package of seaweed crackers. She turned, and found Inara standing right behind her.

"Ambassador," she said curtly.

"Zoë, please, I don't want to have anymore tension on board. What are you doing with the crackers?"

It was a valid question. Wash and Kaylee had been known to take snacks for later, but no one had seen Zoë do that since the time Wash got some rim-planet flu. Zoë looked down at the green shrink-wrapped package, and then back up. "Wash put a glass of water out for River yesterday, and I figure I'd put these with them. Girl needs to eat."

Inara nodded, and began washing her tea mug. She had her own washing supplies, and Zoë knew it was an excuse to carry out the conversation. "Have you had a migraine before?"

"No," Zoë said, not offering anything. Then she stopped, and relaxed, letting her guard down just enough to let something slip out. "But I knew someone who did. That was some time ago though."

Inara nodded, and then took something out of her pocket. It was a tiny bar of chocolate. Zoë's eyes grew wide.

Inara smiled sheepishly. "I was saving it for a rough day, what with all the fighting onboard. Figured it could be a morale boost. Thought I could give it to Kaylee if she and Mal had another fight, but they seem to be doing okay. Put it out for her for me, will you?"

Zoë took the precious token, and smiled genuinely. "Will do. Have a good night Ambassador."


	5. Pleading

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Chapter Five

River hadn't had any of the water.

Wash peaked up at the water glass that he had left out, sitting in a neat row next to the package of seaweed crackers from Zoë and the small bar of chocolate from Inara. It was beginning to look like a regular pile of gifts up there, but she hadn't touched it.

He frowned up into the airshaft. Maybe he had been wrong, and she wasn't up there at all. He cupped his hands to his mouth and called up quietly. "River, mei-mei, you up there? You're giving us all a bit of a scare down here."

There was no response. He hadn't really been expecting one, but he felt his heart sink down a couple inches.

Simon came up alongside him, his forehead furrowed in worry. Wash hadn't seen him like this once, not when Kaylee was shot, not when Mal and Zoë got held up and no one had heard anything for nearly a day. "You hear anything?"

"Not a giggle," Wash said back, trying to keep his voice light. He still imagined that River was above him, listening to them, and he wanted her to hear that everything was fixing right up. "Zoë and Inara put some snacks up there for here, but she hasn't come for them yet."

"What about the water?"

"None of that either. Guess she isn't thirsty."

Mal and Jayne walked up, making there a regular gathering beneath the air hatch. "Wash, everything good here?"

"Yes, Captain. Going to head back to the Bridge now."

"I'll come with you."

Simon frowned to the airshaft. He didn't think it was any sort of coincidence that he and Jayne were being left alone, and frankly he had bigger things to worry about than apologizing to the man who had made their existences frightful ever since he set foot and cryo-crate onto this boat.

Jayne looked between the airshaft and him, and then cleared his throat awkwardly. "Hey, doc. Uh…I hope she turns up real soon."

Simon glanced to him, surprise scrawled messily all over his features. His polite Core-planet manners came back to him, and he managed a tense smile. "Thanks, Jayne. I hope she does too."

Jayne nodded, and then walked away, leaving Simon to stare after him, puzzled.

* * *

Serenity was singing up through her spine.

If there wasn't a nail in her head, pinning her flat to the metal, she would get up and dance, tapping her feet lightly on the back of her ship, home, night-light up in the black, black, black sky black.

River struggled up to some semblance of a sitting position. Her brain was shutting off, turning some parts of itself into heavy lead, coal, dark and heavy and unmovable and her thoughts were turning into spirals, torn spider-webs.

Spider webs are stronger than steel, she remembered thickly. Put them among Mother's silk dresses and Father's silk shirts. Didn't appreciate the joke.

Dragging herself into a crawl, she began to crawl deeper into the bowels of Serenity, seeking somewhere quiet. Finding a quiet corner, she curled up like a kitten and put her hands over her eyes, digging her thumbs into the undersides of her orbital structure.

A nail went through her head into the ship. A needle in her brain!

Curled up sideways, sobbing no no no no needle in her brain.

Needles.

Simon.

No, no no, no no.

* * *

Mal couldn't focus worth seagull splat on a rim planet roost.

He went with Wash to give the doc 'n' Jayne some privacy to work through the squabblin', and he could only hope that they did as his Captain duties didn't involve makin' two grown man apologize (that was for children, and there hadn't been a child aboard Serenity just yet, thank heavens, unless someone took to countin' River). He hadn't heard any shouting or cursin' and they all knew Jayne was gorram loud when displeased, so he had some hope of things goin' the right way without any stabbing or shooting.

Staring out into the blackness of space usually comforted Mal, but even he was getting that ache in him that meant it was time to stand on the ground for a bit. He'd really pushed all of their limits this time, and he wasn't likely to forget it.

His pilot had been prattling, tryin' to keep the mood light, but he hadn't managed to focus on a word he had said.

For the first time in all his years as a Captain, he had lost someone in the physically misplacing them sense. And they were on a closed ship.

If River were here she'd probably make some speech about not bein' a static object, he though to himself with grim amusement. Granted, if she was here, I wouldn't have half my crew goin' gorram mad lookin' for her skinny hide.

Turning away from Wash, he stalked back down into the kitchen nook, catching Simon glancing for at least the twelfth time under the kitchen table. He looked up, looking ashamed for some unfathomable reason, but Mal only bent down and started looking with him. He had to take pity on the doctor's lost-looking eyes.

Gorramit girl, you're puttin' us all through hell down here.

* * *

Her head was nailed to the metal slab, and they were putting needles in her eyes. They couldn't they couldn't! But they did.

She wiped at her eyes and forehead, expecting to find blood, but the only thing she found was tears. Salty-burning, no copper no iron no metal rushing out of her like Earth-That-Was sliced open.

There was fire in her stomach and pain pulling its way down her spine and she sat up and tried to bat the flies away. She wanted birds. They were birds, little birds, lost out in the black.

Then it happened.

She came up in chunks, up through her own mouth, and she could hear Serenity protest at being covered with the girl's self. Liquid self. She leaned her head into the metal in apology, the cool outside her skin but she was burning, she was burning take her out!

She was splattered and she was crying.

Needles in her brain, claws in her brain take it out Simon Simon take it out!

* * *

Kaylee came out of the engine room, looking a little flustered. Simon had left by this point, replaced with Zoë who was making herself a cup of tea. "Captain?"

"What is it, Kaylee?"

"Serenity says she needs to be cleaned up inside the airshaft…"

* * *

Birds are singing in the black, but the knives are going to get them.

Splattered River.

Knives will get the birds.

No no no no.

Crying now. Make it stop.

Simon, ge-ge, make it stop….


	6. Exploration

Please review.

Chapter Six

Mal was perplexed. "What do you mean, she needs to be cleaned up in th' airshaft? She's never needed that before."

Kaylee shook her head, her hair pulling itself out of the messy bun and causing it to slide slightly down towards her neck. She reached back for it, stopped, examined her grease-stained hands, wiped them off on her coveralls and then pulled the bun out. "I don't know why she needs what she needs, Captain. I never do. Jus' know that that's what she told me."

Zoë frowned. "Think this could be related to River?"

Kaylee's face brightened. "That would make sense!" Then it fell. "Wait. 'xcept not. River's never made a mess up there, 'nd she's been up in all sorts of moods. Can't imagine her ever makin' a mess Serenity would complain 'bout."

"She could have gotten sick," Simon said, coming in. His eyes were wild, but he looked hopeful. At the very least, it was a different look than he had been wearing. "If she vomited up there or something, wouldn't that be enough for Serenity to chime in?"

"I figure it would," Kaylee replied brightly, nodding.

"That means she's sick," Simon said. "She's not just hiding. We need to go up and get her down. Where is she in the airshaft?"

"Don' rightly know where she went," Kaylee said, seeming disappointed. "Jus' know that she's up in there."

Simon took off running towards the air hatch.

"Doc. Doctor!" Mal yelled after him.

Simon paused, turning with a look of overheated frustration in his eyes, the muscles in his leg jerking with anticipation and his frown irate.

"You're not goin' up there." Simon opened his mouth as though to complain, but Mal gave him a look. "You don't know this ship, you'll just get in a tangle and we'll have to go up and get both of you."

"I can go," Kaylee offered sincerely. "I know her pretty good."

"No, lil' Kaylee. I know you know her real good, which is why you oughta stay down here, 'case things get messy. I'm hopin' we don't have to take any panels out to get to her, but if we do, I want you doin' it." Kaylee nodded.

"What about Wash," Simon offered. "Figure he knows the ship the best next to Kaylee."

"If we're not counting River, than he certainly does." Mal nodded. Then, he turned his head to face up towards the bridge. "Wash! Get down here. Gotta job for you!"

* * *

The nail was driving deeper, and the girl's nails were cutting into her hands. She was squeezing them, squeezing them, trying not to scream.

Take it away take it away.

She had crawled a slight distance from her own splatter, and was crying face down into Serenity.

They cut her brain and made her melt. Now she was puddled.

Now she was puddled. No River, no flowing babble. Puddle. Going to evaporate away.

* * *

Zoë stood and watched her husband prepare to climb up into the airshaft. Her brain buzzed in a strange place far off, and she felt nauseous, something she very rarely felt.

It had been a long time since she had seen this.

They'd been trapped in a building, Alliance all around, and one of the young men (was his name Jamie, yes, Jamie) had volunteered to climb through a shaft much narrower and more treacherous than this one to work on finding them a way out. They had cheered to his bravery, he was a good kid, but halfway through the shaft his leg sliced on a shard of metal and there went the artery. She had smelt the blood even before they heard him scream, short and almost childlike before it was quiet except for the dripping.

She hadn't felt that memory in a long time, not even River's exploits had been enough to bring it back, though she did get a twinge in her stomach when she heard the girl was lost.

Wash smiled at her, oblivious to the flashback. He had a flashlight taped to his wrist, Kaylee had secured it for him, and he looked ready for anything. She swallowed against the taste of bile, something she was growing more familiar with these days, and then turned to Mal.

"Sir, I'd like to go up with him." She didn't say it like a question, she wasn't asking for permission, and Mal looked at her seriously. He knew what she was remembering, and nodded, not bringing their shared nightmares to voice, but she had expected that. He never was willing to share those memories, not even with her when she came in those rare moments looking for the promise that they wouldn't have to live them again.

"Right. Go get the extra flashlight from Kaylee and get it taped on, and then both of you get up there."

Wash trailed after her, as usual a blur of noise and good humor taking the edge of the fear in her memories without knowing just how much he was doing for her. "Didn't want me to have all the adventure, did you?" he said teasingly, unable to possibly imagine what had spurred her into action.

"No, reckon I couldn't let you have all the fun once again," she responded, trying to keep her voice light.

"Well, now we'll have it to share." He looked pleased with that, sometimes it felt that they shared so few experiences, and she couldn't help but smile at him as Kaylee taped the cold plastic against the skin of her wrist and wished them luck.

"Hope she's alright," Kaylee said, looking miserable as she stood uselessly in the engine room. "Find her soon, yeah?"

"We'll find her before you even know we're gone," Wash boasted. He put his hands on his hips, or tried to, but the flashlight got in his way. He pretended not to notice. "We better go. Ready, Zoë?"

"Ready," she replied softly.

* * *

"So I think this part will split up and meet back together in a hundred yards or so," Wash said confidently, glancing at his wife as she walked alongside him. She had her eyes focused on the beam of her flashlight, but turned to look at him, jumping slightly as the beam of his flashlight caught her in the eyes. "Sorry!"

"You know, or you think?" she asked, shielding her eyes as he lowered the beam.

"About…seventy percent sure. So reasonably."

She sighed, shaking her head. "Right. Of course you are. I don't like splitting up, but I also don't like being in here longer than we have to, so let's trust this instinct of yours."

Wash nodded, and took the passage to his left. He listened as Zoë walking along the right passage, missing her company already. Suddenly, the smell of vomit hit his nose, and he grimaced.

"River, mei-mei?" he called.

* * *

The dinosaur and the warrior were in the bug with her.

Orange and tan-green-beige and they were here they came.

She could hear the dinosaur, wanted him to be quiet but his boots were shaking the metal and she waited.

* * *

He stepped carefully around a puddle of vomit, knowing he must be close now. His flashlight beam skimmed the metal ahead of him, and then hit a small shape laying face down.

She turned her head slightly, groaning, and he switched off the flashlight, kneeling down next to her.

"River? River, darling, you alright?"

"Jellyfish and flies. Get them away." He could barely see her. "Nail in her head. Take it out."

"You're having a migraine. Here, I'm going to pick you up."

"No! Nail in her head, take it out!"

He paused for a moment, and then placed one hand gently on her forehead. "You're right. This won't do at all." Taking two fingers, he gently pretended to pluck something from the center of her forehead. "Got it. How 'bout I get you out of here now? You gave us all a scare."

She covered her eyes, nodding miserably.

"Okay, you ready?" She nodded again, and he carefully scooped her up. She weighed next to nothing, but he walked very slowly and carefully, trying not to jostle her. "Okay. I got you. I got you."

Zoë was calling for him. "Wash, you okay?"

"Yeah, I got her."

Zoë rounded the corner, her flashlight kept low, and he could see the look of relief. "River, sweetie. Hey, it's Zoë. We're going to get you out now."

River uncovered her eyes to look at her and nodded, then covered them again.

* * *

They were bright in the dark but the girl wasn't alone.

And the dinosaur carried her without scales and the nail was gone and safe.

Safe, safe safe.


	7. Revelations

Thanks for all the reviews. This should be the final chapter, though I'm really contemplating an epilogue dealing with the surprise in this chapter. Let me know?

Chapter Seven

Zoë climbed out of the airshaft ahead of Wash, reaching up to take River from him. The girl whined quietly, and she felt bad for the brightness of the lights.

"River! River, mei-mie…" Simon said loudly, his panic causing him to forget the obvious sound issues. The Shepard was mouthing a quick prayer of thanks and as Wash jumped down Zoë became aware of the sheer oppressiveness of the sound in the area.

She shifted River to use the better part of her shoulder to block River's face. "Doctor, shh. Her migraine's real bad. I'm going to take her to our bunk, it's quiet in that part of the ship."

Simon nodded. "I'm going to grab her medication and I'll meet you there."

Zoë nodded, and walked past Mal, who was looking at them with worry. Very gently, he reached a hand out and laid it on River's shoulder. River returned the favor by opening her eyes for a moment, and then closing them again as the light hurt too bad.

"River!" Kaylee said, her voice hushed but full of excitement as she rounded the corner.

"Easy there," Wash said, leading the way towards their bunk. "Visitations later. Naptime now."

* * *

Zoë put her down in the bunk gently, making sure to keep all the water from the puddle and not spilling any of her.

She opened her eyes again, relieved that the light was off. "Ge-ge?"

"No, he's not here yet," the Warrior responded back. "Wash headed back to fly the ship, it's just me."

River turned to face her voice, following the tan and green and beige radiating off the woman. "The Warrior and the dinosaur came, even though the Warrior saw a terrible thing."

The Warrior was honest, that's why she was so safe, and she agreed despite not wanting to remember a second time. She sat down next to River. "Yes."

River seemed fitfully asleep when Simon showed up, and Zoë met him at the door of the bunk. "She's sleeping. Want to give me the medication and let me give it to her?"

Simon nodded, but headed briefly over to the small shape of his sister and kissed her on the forehead. "Glad to have you back, mei-mei." He turned to Zoë. "I'm going to need to have a conversation with her about being up there."

Zoë nodded. "Give her a little bit."

"Of course. Thank you," Simon headed out, and then turned over his shoulder. "Kaylee's dying to see her."

"I'll ask her when she wakes up." Zoë agreed, and Simon quietly shut the door.

* * *

The girl woke again and the Warrior hadn't left. Trustworthy. Needed to trust herself, she'd be fine. She'd understand.

The girl rolled over, and then nearly splattered again, making a terrible internal groaning noise. She was almost Serenity. The Warrior helped her up and over to the toilet, and she splattered and then sat back. The Warrior helped her back onto the bed.

"You want to take your medication, sweetheart?"

The girl nodded, and swallowed her medication. The Warrior handed her a package of seaweed crackers and some water. River nodded again, drank the water and ate a cracker so the little circle stayed down.

"Kaylee wants to see you."

"Sunbeam's too bright. The girl will die."

The green deepened, and the tan grew softer, gentle. "Let's check back in an hour."

The girl nodded, grateful not to have to say anything else. "She is sorry for splattering in the Warrior's toilet."

"It's not a problem, River."

"You are getting used to the smell," the girl noted. "It comes most mornings. But it's not a nail in the head, it's something else. Not beesting bellies. Different."

* * *

Zoë sighed. Of course she knew.

"How long have you known?"

"The birds stopped singing. Bad. Unhappy nest. The girl was sad, she was hurt and the bitter was inside her, turning her gray, no music. Making her worse. Wants to be better, be a good friend, safe arms. Soft heart. The egg is growing, little chick, needs a soft nest, a safe nest."

"We've gotten much better down here. You helped us see that we were being petty. Thank you for bringing it to our attention."

River smiled gratefully. "The little one will sing turquoise."

"Turquoise?"

"With white edges. Already does. Little singing chick."

Zoë placed her hand over her belly. "Thank you, little one."

"She'll be beautiful."

And that's when the tears came to Zoë's eyes.

* * *

River slept a while and then woke, feeling considerably better. Zoë went and got Kalyee (who kept her voice low and soft, but her hugs made up for it), and the three of them shared Inara's chocolate in the dark.

River was up and going by breakfast the next day. Simon had came the night before to take her back to her own space, and had told her about how worried they were.

She knew, had felt their worry and it pricked and hurt and she told him.

He nodded and asked her if they could set a limit (boundary, line, fence) about her time up in the airshaft. They agreed that she'd talk to someone after a few hours, and if she didn't, someone would come up and get her.

She was pleased that he didn't say "don't go" or "ask to go." She felt strong, and safe, and had been missed. The little voice would be safe. If the girl felt the weapon, she could go, be calm and safe and no one would tell her not to come, to stay away, dangerous, bad. No. Good River. Safe River. Control.

Breakfast was fun, she was almost all not achy and everyone was pleasant. She sat next to Zoë and tapped her boot with her own bare feet. Zoë looked back and shook her head very slightly. After breakfast, she excused herself and River watched as her green took the dinosaur's orange and sat them both down in the bunk. Then she turned, and focused away.

* * *

"Wash," Zoë said gently, her voice very quiet. "I don't know how to say this."

Wash was perplexed. His Zoë never didn't know how to say anything. It's what he loved about her (well, one of the hundred thousand things he told her every week). "Just say it. Always works for you," he smiled.

"Okay. Mm. Do you know where we could by a crib?"

Wash's eyes grew wide, flicked from hers to her abdomen, and then reached out very gently, his hand shaking. Zoë found herself slightly choked up, and took his hand and placed it gently over her abdomen.

"River says she's a girl and is turquoise."

Wash just nodded, not saying anything.

"I was figuring we should tell the crew. Sooner rather than later, give Mal time to get used to it. Kaylee will be thrilled, Simon will have a thousand things to say. The gender we could keep quiet for now."

He nodded again, and then finally looked up and kissed her.

* * *

Zoë walked past River to where the rest of the crew was still lingering by the table. Zoë gave her a nod, and she trailed after, grinning.

"Everyone…" she said, getting all of their attention. She had it so planned out. So orderly.

But Wash beat her to it. "We're having a baby!"

The shrieking started as Kaylee leapt up, followed immediately by Simon's barrage of questions. Mal looked at her with wild, almost accusatory eyes.

Before she faced any of them, Zoë turned to River, who was staring at them, eyes wide and hands over her ears. They locked eyes for a moment, and then River, bare feet and eyes and all, headed to the airshaft and climbed into the dark, quiet safety.

* * *

"New voice, new person, and safe safe bug for a nest. The mommy and the daddy and the Captain Daddy and the scary-safe Jayne. And the doctor who will sneak her candy, and the man with the book of stories that don't make sense but mean nice things. And auntie Kaylee who'll let her be dirty, and auntie Inara who will help her feel clean up."

She laid down flat on Serenity's spine, counting, finding out who she forgot.

She giggled. How forgetful. "And auntie River who will keep the big noisy birds singing pretty. Pretty. Safe. Home."


End file.
